Tuesday, October 25, 2011

Running 'Round in Pieces

The necessary and the sublime, combined, fill the days and speed them up until it seems time is almost racing. Not metaphorically, but really. Determined to outrun any other sort of endeavor that might otherwise find a place in the daily routine. The necessary gets done, necessarily. The sublime exists in the state of things: the nobility in the baby’s face, of all places, or in service to beloved folk. Sometimes hilarity runs alongside, keeping pace. But as I read the baby’s books, both a necessary and a sublime (and often a hilarity, keeping pace, keeping pace), my mind wanders.

“I’ve got to think up bigger things.
I’ll bet I can, you know.
I’ll speed my Thinker-Upper up
As fast as it will go!”

I sigh. In this race I seem unwittingly to have joined I can’t help but feel I’m leaving something behind. Somewhere back there, trying to keep up but struggling, is my mind. Not my sanity: that I keep close, as much a part of the necessary as any other daily chore. My thinker, I mean. My mental acuity. I’m rooting for it. I desperately want it to pull ahead, but I can’t help but feel it’s falling further and further to the back of the pack. I lose clarity. And I wonder if it’s falling behind because it was never very good to begin with. It would explain why, when I read a great article about something that interests me or when I see a string of comments on the internet that really riles me up, the sparks fly bright and fast and hopeful…and then fizzle, fatigued out of the gate. Duds. My thinker is only good for duds these days. Old, tired, out of shape.

Maybe I should just leave it behind. It was never very good to begin with, remember? And even if I wanted to go back for it, is it possible? The sun rises and the sun sets and hastens again to where it rises and time keeps racing. So much of this race is so very worth running and I don’t know how to stop it if I wanted to, but how I wish I could run it altogether myself. Not in pieces. If I can’t slow down the necessary, maybe…maybe I can speed my Thinker-Upper up as fast as it will go. Prod it. Egg it on. Somehow or another it’s got to catch up.

It’s just got to. Yes, that’s my plan in its entirety for reclaiming my intellect. When my thinker catches up to the rest of me I’ll come up with something better. (In the meantime, special thanks to Dr. Seuss and Ecclesiastes: y’all rock with the catchy quotables!)

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